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August 21, 2004 1:07 AM

Good Evening Bitches! Sorry for the delay, it's been a hellish week. This weeks, "TALES FROM THE BEND!" involves a little incident my Junior year. So this makes it 1998. Wow that's a long time ago... 6 years... DAMN... ok back to remeniscing about yesteryear. Without further delay this weeks "TALES FROM THE BEND!" is entitled, "Scott and Justin versus the 6 foot bong."

So just another typical weekend in early fall, in a lovely little town by the name of Bend, Oregon. The sun was out the evergreens were .. evergreen.. well green... anyways... Bend is beautiful this time of year. Nice hot temperatures during the day time and nice and cool in the evenings since Bend is a desert. Anyway me and Scott were buddies and Justin I had gotten to know a lot better since we both interned in the ACE apprenticeship program over summer. He worked for the forest service and I worked for Tektronix. WE GOT PAID $1200 FOR A WHOLE SUMMER OF FULL TIME WORK! HIJOS DE PUTAS!!!!!! But hanging out with him amongst the nerds at the ACE seminars was real cool. Bonding experience and whatnot.

Anyway Pat Gale was having a jungle juice party at his place so me, Scoot, and Justin headed over. For ya'll who don't know what jungle juice is... it's kinda like Sangria... only more white trash... from what I've been told... but I'm the mormon .. king of designated drivers... so what would I know? It's got fruit in it and a lot of liquor. Bring me 2 of each animal if you will.

Scott and Justin got really really loaded on the jungle juice. Pat was already pretty much gone by the time we even got there. Even though he proceeded to kick my ass at Quake. Fragging my ass over and over and over again even though he was drunk out of his gourd and I was sober.... I still owe that son of a bitch a rematch.

So basically Pat's friends started talking about this mechanical bong they built. Which basically sucked the weed smoke through a series of water cooled chambers through use of a vacuum pump motor. So by the time you inhaled it would be incredibly cool and easy to inhale. So of course this weed smoking talk led to the idea... "HEY I HAVE A 6 FOOT BONG IN MY CAR!" great

In came the bong and into the back room they went. Being the happy young puritan that I am I stayed in the front room. I have no inklings to smoke anything, first hand or second hand. This way I can still be President someday....... Sarah and Eugene! HA! Anyways 10 minutes later I see Whitney come out giggling and stumbling. He giggles and stumbles all the way over to the couch. Then Scott came out and layed down on the ground. Pretty much good times had by all.

Then everything got a little worse... Justin started to complaining about feeling sick and he laid down on the carpet and curled up into a fetal position. Being the designated mormon on duty I snapped to action and got him a blanket and water and anything else he needed. Then Scott start complaining about being sick too. Down on the ground he went to. The complaining lasted for about an hour. I did what I could, I didn't think it was a big deal....

Then everything got a little more worse... Justin was lying on the ground and he started shaking, just slightly at first. Then he was shaking uncontrollably having muscle spasms and kicking and flailing. He was basically having convulsions or seizures. Finally when he stopped he wascomplaining about how much pain he was in. "Oh my GOD, I'm gonna die.... I'm gonna die.." He kept on crying out and basically convulsing on the ground. I asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital. Stupid fucking move on my part. Of course he said "No" how was he gonna explain the fact that he was smoking weed. Fucking I'm a dumbass. Right then I should've known better and brought him in. BUT I DIDN'T CUZ I'M A MORON. But he was burning up so we put a cold towel over his head and tried to get him to drink water. He was burning up, throwing up, and under a lot of pain. And of course he would continue to convulse every few minutes for hours. Scott was a little more quiet on the other end. He later told me it was pretty fucked up and he was in a lot of pain too. But he was ok with just the water and a cold towel and a blanket.

Justin continued to convulse throughout the night and vomit and I continued to give him water and I watched over the two. Finally at around 4 or 5 AM both Scott and Justin had fallen asleep and I went home and got some rest.

The next day Justin was little sheepish, I guess he really did think he was gonna die. SO OF COURSE I MADE FUN OF THE LITTLE BITCH! HAHAH I'm a dick. Scott had thought so too, on a lesser level. But then he wasn't the one violently shaking on the ground. Pretty much that was one of the scariest things that had ever happened to me at a party. And thank god it's never happened again. Oh wait there was Hospital Matt at Eugene's Bday party. But that's another story.

The moral of the story... don't drink a lot of jungle juice... then smoke out of a 6' bong.... that's the only moral I can get out of this. And remember don't forget your designated mormon at home... you never know when he comes in handy. Like that one time Scott drove across town all high on weed as I followed behind to make sure he got from home back to a party ok. Hahah you remember what happened... FAST! SLOOOOW.... FAST!!! SLOOOOWWWW..... SWERVE..... FAST!!!!! SLOW! HONK! HAHA!

I dunno what next week's, "TALES FROM THE BEND!" will be about... oh wait I do... Stay tuned for next week's "TALES FROM THE BEND!" entitled, "Hillbilly Phonesex vol. 2."

August 18, 2004 11:53 PM

Talked to one of closest and oldest Bend friends tonight. You know the whole time I was in Bend, I always said, "I can't wait 'til I get out of this shithole..." Now I just want to see home again.

August 18, 2004 12:00 AM

Sarah strikes again this time bringing you a blacksploitation movie by the name of Willie Dynamite.

IMDB PROFILE:
Genre: Crime / Drama
User Rating: 5.3/10 Stars
Taglines: Ain't no one crosses WILLIE "D"
                He's tight, together, and mean.
                Chicks, Chumps, he uses 'em all.
                He's got to be Number-One.
Plot Outline: A social worker tries to get a pimp to change his ways.

Here's some choice dialogue...

Willie Dynamite (Your industrious neighborhood pimp): You better stop messing with my bitches! What kind of shit is this anyway?!
Some Bitch in a tasteful green dress: Consider me.. a sort of a... consumer protection agency... A Ralph Nader for Hookers

NOTE: Everything said here is 1) acted out very poorly 2) said overdramatically 3) said ghetto accent... w00t w00t...
NOTE: oh yea even the crazy hooker knows to vote for Nader... shouldn't you?

August 15, 2004 1:45 AM

So not only did my parents hide the fact that my car was wrecked for a month. They lied to me too!! It has been wrecked for far longer than a month! THE PROOF:

Gintsang: oi oi oi mei mei
Christinecifer: hey hey
Christinecifer: wassup?
Gintsang: I can't believe mom hid the fact
Gintsang: that dad wrecked my camry
Christinecifer: OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!
Christinecifer: ISN'T THAT THE FUNNIEST THING EVER!!!!!!!!
Gintsang: SERIOUSLY!!!!!
Christinecifer: hahahahhahaha
Gintsang: I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE HID IT FOR A MONTH!!!
Christinecifer: they didn't tell me until about a month afterward
Gintsang: wait
Christinecifer: and then right when I was about to come home from Seattle
Gintsang: you mean it's been longer than a month
Christinecifer: you didn't know for about 2+ months
Christinecifer: yah
Christinecifer: it's been pretty freakin long
Christinecifer: and i was in the car when mom and dad were talking
Gintsang: OH MY GOSH!!!
Christinecifer: and about how they were going to break the news to you via e-mail
Christinecifer: hahahahaha
Christinecifer: our dad wrecked our car
Christinecifer: how messed up is that
Christinecifer: that thing is a beast
Christinecifer: only papa tsang
Christinecifer: only papa tsang
Gintsang: WAIT THEY WERE GONNA USE AN EMAIL BREAK UP ON ME?!
Christinecifer: hahahaha
Christinecifer: yah!!
Gintsang: AN EMAIL BREAK UP!?!?
Christinecifer: hee hee hee
Gintsang: Do you find something fundamentally messed up here?
Christinecifer: something? many things
Gintsang: AN EMAIL BREAK UP!?!?

 

AN EMAIL BREAK UP!?!?! .............. that's cold... *shivers and rocks back and forth* so cold...